5am to 8am thoughts

5:00 Alarm goes off. Fat chance. Hit snooze.

5:09 Alarm goes off again. I hit snooze but don't go back to sleep. I lay in bed missing Travis and feeling the cool air from the fan propped up in our bedroom's open window. I drift in and out in the new morning light. It's crazy that it's already light out at 5:00. I never knew it got this light out so early. Maybe because I've never gotten up at 5-something on a regular basis before.

5:18 Alarm goes off. Enough messing around. I spring out of bed and flip on the light with satisfaction that 1) I slept well despite Travis being 400 miles away and 2) that Travis isn't still asleep in bed so I have to tiptoe in the dimness to find clothes to wear to the gym.

5:30 Teeth brushed, ponytail in place, gym clothes on (these pants are really too short), and I've inhaled both of the necessary medicines that keep me alive while at the gym--and everywhere else for that matter.

5:36 Get to the gym, leave my purse and keys in the car. Small town. Pay $1.07 to jog on the track at the gym (not renewing my membership until I come back from Canada) and take note of who's here.

The regulars that are present:

Conroy East group, exercising in a room upstairs. They are machines.

The usual teacher group. 3 of them doing various workouts on machines in the weight room.

Mysterious green-shirted man. Always walking. Always wearing a cap. Always wearing the same green shirt. He's there when I get here and he's there when I leave. The few times I've had to work out in the afternoon, he's also been there. He looks like the kind of guy who maybe used to weigh like 400 pounds but lost a whole lot and now doesn't feel comfortable with his body for a new list of reasons. I don't talk to him or make eye contact with him but he watches where I am on the track, especially if I am jogging up behind him. Not in a creepy way. He's interesting and I feel a pang of guilt that I'm shy around him.

Pat. I don't know his real name. He looks just like my neighbor from behind. My neighbor's a woman. He's kinda odd. One time I fell asleep on the exercise mats (long, funny story) and when I woke up, Pat was sitting next to me. He said "Good morning" I think.

JoAnne and another OLIA (Old Lady I Admire). They aren't here yet, but they will be here at 6 on the dot. I don't know how old these old ladies are but they walk every morning and they are so nice. I feel convicted to turn down the Black Eyed Peas blaring out of my iPod when I jog by them.

These regulars not present:

Pat (real name) and Rich. My husband's racquetball buddies. They aren't here and neither is my husband. Wave of loneliness washes over me, but I recover.

I go upstairs and stretch and laugh to myself about how freakishly short these blue athletic pants actually are. Too long to be called capris but way too short to be pants. Oh well, I don't think anyone here cares.

5:40 I'm on the track and jogging. 4 minutes jogging. 4 minutes walking. 4 minutes jogging. 4 minutes walking. The best part of this "hamster wheel" indoor track is on the southern end, smack in the middle of the curved part, in the outermost lane, is the best place to get blasted with cold air conditioning. I pretend the cold air is my "battery power energizer." It reminds me of the video game F-Zero when you drive your car over the little bar code-looking section of the track and it boosts your energy. 4 minutes jogging. OLIAs show up. 4 minutes walking. I'm tired. I don't want to do any more. This is my last time for a while to jog, maybe I could ease up and just do those 3 intervals. 4 minutes jogging. 4 minutes walking. Maybe I'll quit and leave it at 32 minutes today. I'm out of breath and my legs hurt. Six weeks I've been doing this. Shouldn't it be easy by now? 4 minutes jogging. 4 minutes walking. Done.

6:20 Quick stretch and towel off. I leave the gym and, for the first time this week, walk outdoors into cool air instead of muggy, sticky, humid air. I'm happy driving home.

6:50 I've showered and dried my hair and had a glass of chocolate milk. Jump into bed for a quick nap. Set the alarm for 7:20.

7:20 I'm awake but feeling good. I pray about the day's events and daydream a bit and then out of bed at 7:30.

7:30 Excited that it's Friday so I can finally wear my new jean capris. Pack a delicious salad for lunch and get breakfast together.

7:40 Curl my hair and pick out my homemade necklace: the one I made out of bottlecaps. I smile because I know the students love this one. Make the bed and wonder if I'd ever miss Travis' disgusting pillow if it were gone from this earth.

7:55 Out the door and ready for school.

So, how was your morning?

Something's wrong here...

(In Wal-Mart, after Travis thought it would be a good idea for me to go WITH him shopping today.)

Travis: Okay, it says here on the list that you need tampons and cotton rounds. Do you want to go get them?

Me: Sure... where are they?

It's pretty bad when your husband has to inspect the box of feminine products that YOU picked out to make sure they're the ones that you use every month. I think I need to go shopping with him a little more often...

Headgear is back!

As I type this, there is actually a kid in the lab wearing headgear. I have called him Metalmouth, laughed and pointed resisted the urge to make fun of him, and have already mentally congratulated myself on the progress of my maturity in that area. Man, I wish I had my camera.

Alrighty, back to work.

Frosty Falcor Owen

I miss my dog. He has been gone since August 14 and I miss him so much it's still really hard to think about him without choking up. I had no idea when we got him that he would mean so much to me after just one short year. Here are just a few things I miss about him. Some are kind of strange but if you've had a dog, you probably understand!

--He, like lots of dogs, was SO excited to greet you when you got home. Unlike most dogs, when Frosty got excited, his lips curled up and he bared his teeth. That kind of mug on a giant dog would seem pretty scary to a stranger, but when you factor in the fact that he was also squeaking, sneezing and wagging his tail, he seemed pretty harmless and funny-looking. I miss hearing his squeaks and sneezes when a friend is at the door.

--Every time a doorbell rang, at our house or on TV, Frosty went nuts. He would start barking, run upstairs and then pace from the window to the door, trying to figure out who he was supposed to guard us against. He had different kind of barks and the "doorbell bark" was just half-hearted for him, but scary enough that no stranger with half a mind would ever think about coming into our house! I heard a doorbell tonight on a TV show and Travis and I both almost lost it.

--I loved watching him waiting in the morning to go out with Travis for a walk. Travis would be getting ready in our room or the bathroom and Frosty would just be laying on the floor in the hallway waiting. Whenever Travis said, "Okay Buddy, let's go." the dog literally hopped down the hallway backward, to make sure that Travis was following behind. I haven't been able to walk to the square since he's been gone because it doesn't seem right to be walking alone.

--I liked it that he was so big that he could gaze out our living room windows at the goings-on of our town. Whenever he saw his friend Tabby, he would start squeaking, usually loud enough that Beth, Tabby's owner, could hear him and would stop in to let them see each other. When the curtains were drawn, it was so cute to watch him part them with his giant snout so that he could get a peek outside. Every morning when I would leave for school, Travis and Frosty would be looking out the window, waving to me (well, Travis would wave anyway!). I was sitting on the couch today looking out the window, and I saw all kinds of slobbery Frosty-snout marks on the window. Needless to say, I didn't rush to grab the window cleaner.

--Every time I would pick up his toys and put them in the basket, that was the time he would decide that he just HAD to play with those particular toys. He would be taking his Kong and bones and rope out as fast as I could put them back in. He was just like a child that way.

--I loved how Frosty thought he was so sneaky. You could tell he was trying to surprise you if his eyes were covered. He would duck his head behind something and then jump out when you came by. What a doofus! He figured that if he couldn't see you, you couldn't see him. He was also CRAZY when he got excited. The living room or the basement was not big enough for him when he was happy about something. He would run laps and slip and slide all over the floor, he would grab the nearest toy and shake it to pieces. He would run full-speed right into you and knock you over if you weren't paying attention. We would take turns chasing each other through the living room and kitchen and down the hallway. He would allow you to chase him for a few laps and then he would "hide" and wait for you to come around the corner and then jump at you. Then you would have to turn around and let him chase you. I never enjoyed exercise more!

--I loved watching Travis and Frosty together. They were best friends. I know that Travis loved having Frosty all to himself this summer when I was in Canada. I bet Frosty felt the same way. Just the boys at home. I think there is a different kind of bond between a man and his dog that no female can attain. I was very close with Frosty and I think I probably played fetch with him and wrestled with him more than Travis. We would play rough and roll around on the ground and he would jump on me when I was laying on the floor, but I think he was more content to be laying next to Travis, watching TV, perfectly calm. Travis and I both told Frosty all our secrets and I'm sure Frosty went to his grave with a few tidbits of knowledge that Travis and I will never get around to telling each other. I'm sure Travis feels weird sitting in his chair, not petting Frosty. It doesn't sound right, or feel right or smell right, or even look right at our house anymore. My husband is different now without Frosty. He lost his best friend.

--I love that Frosty let you hug him. He would just stand there while you wrapped your arms around his neck and held on. He was so great to hug because he had such a giant, majestic head. I always felt that it must be similar to the way it would feel to hug Aslan, the great lion in C. S. Lewis' Chronicles of Narnia series.

--Not only did Frosty let you hug him, he LOVED to be hugged--by men, women and children--but especially children! Whenever we would walk by the square on a beautiful day, there would be a sea of children running to us, arms open wide, with eruptions of "FFFRRRROOOOOSSSSTTTYYYY!" echoing throughout the square. EVERYONE knew him in town. Everyone. All the kids loved him and he definitely loved kids the best. I think that smelly, dirty, sweaty kids playing in the park must have smelled awesome to Frosty. Party bonus if said children had sticky, crumby faces or fingers. Those kids would get a very special Frosty lick which was saved for only those occasions. Frosty didn't just lick willy-nilly. He licked with purpose. I never could believe that even the smallest of children weren't scared of Frosty. They ran right up to him, let him sniff their faces, absorb a lick if it was necessary, and then they would either throw their arms around him or stroke his thick, thick fur. I never liked the name Frosty much, but the kids loved it, and it was easy for them to remember so I guess it worked out okay.

--I loved how Frosty was pretty useless after about 9:00 at night. I never noticed a dog's facial expressions until I had him. Frosty definitely exhibited "tired-eyes" and would just look at us like we were crazy for not going to bed when he thought it was necessary. He definitely liked his sleep.

--Speaking of sleep, he was not the most fun to sleep next to. He dream barked, and twitched and kicked a lot. Twitches and little kicks on a normal size dog are one thing, but when you are next to a dog that weighs as much as an adult, and there are two GIANT paws pushing on the side of your head and two other even GIANT-ER paws kicking your hip (or unmentionables, sorry Travis) like it was a punching bag, one doesn't have a restful night of sleep. Now, I must say, Frosty NEVER jumped on furniture and would only get on the bed if invited. He was wonderfully respectful of our space. These observations came from nights where we would let Frosty on our bed or from nights that we were camping and Frosty decided that the best place for him in our tiny tent was right smack in between us.

--Sleeping with him during the night wasn't a lot of fun, but Frosty LOVED to snuggle! One day I had come home from work sick, drug out the air mattress and parked myself in front of the TV. I decided to take some NyQuil to help with my head cold and to hopefully sleep it off. I awoke, after about 2 hours, to find a giant white furry arm thrown over me and as I rolled over, I observed that my dog had his head on my pillow and was under the covers with me. We were, indeed, spooning. Judging by how incredibly warm it was and how disgustingly drooly my pillow was, I would say we had been spooning most of those 2 hours.

--Frosty loved snow. He turned into a different dog during the snowy winter months. We would have to take a toy along on every walk because the dog would get so crazy that he would start chewing on his leash or on our hands. We spent more time outside with Frosty in the winter months than any other time. We would turn him loose in the park or by the ball fields (no one else was crazy enough to be outside, so we didn't have to worry about him bothering other people) and he would take off like a clumsy jackrabbit. He would run full throttle, dive into the snow, roll all around, jump up and do it again. He loved laying in the snow after a good play time. He was always a good sport about being wiped dry with towels when we got back home, too. He did NOT enjoy being dried with the hair dryer but he endured that a few times as well.

--Frosty could count to 3! He always lapped up his water in groups of 3. Lap, lap, lap. Lap, lap, lap. Lap, lap, lap. He would get so excited to receive water in his bowl from the pitcher in the fridge. I think he thought we was getting a special human treat, but it was just extra-cold tap water!

Well, these are random thoughts of mine. I just wanted to write a few of them down. I feel better just sharing them here in blogosphere. I'm sure there will be many more thoughts to come. We miss you so much, Frosty!!

My 25 Random Things

1.  When I went on my first interview for a teaching position, the principal asked me what my interests were.  I said "snowboarding."  She, however, thought I said, "sewing."  Her eyes lit up and began firing questions at me about what type and kind of sewing I did, what projects I was in the middle of, and told me all about HER projects and how much she LOVED sewing.  Coincidentally, and thank goodness, sewing is also an interest of mine (much lower than snowboarding, though) and I was able to say all the right things.  I got the job!

2.  The smells of sawdust, drywall, and hardware stores makes my heart flutter.

3.  I love woodworking and using tools so much.  Everytime I go into a home improvement store, I have to stop and pay homage to the compound miter saws.  Every time.  

4.  I think kids are a LOT wiser about the world than adults think they are.  They are also more understanding.  And they laugh with their whole bodies.  The way God intended it.

5.  I love teaching.  I always hesitate to say that I love kids, because teaching is way more than loving kids.  I love seeing kids "get" things.  Plus I still take advantage of playtime during recess.

6.  When I was little, I tried so hard to fall asleep looking as mean and terrible as I could.  That way, if anyone broke into our house, they would want to take my sister instead of me.

7.  I am very close to my dad and I wish I could see him every day.  I can't think of anything in my life that he doesn't know.

8.  I worried all the time when I was a kid.  Travis was also a worrier when he was little.  Our kids are going to be panic-stricken freaks.

9.  When she was in junior high, my sister (she's 3 yrs. older) told me that she french-kissed a boy at a church lock-in and I FREAKED OUT.  At the time, I thought it was a sure thing that, one, if you french-kissed anyone, you automatically got mono and, two, if you got mono, you automatically died.  I told my parents and my mom was really upset with her but my dad just told me I needed to go see a shrink if I was going to get that upset over everything.  My sister no longer shares secrets with me.

10.  One time, I smacked Monique's new Taylor guitar into a doorknob and it left a mark.  I will forever feel terrible about that for the rest of my life.  Sorry Mo!

11.  I love naming things and giving nicknames to people.  I just named our cars Red and Andy after the two main characters in The Shawshank Redemption.  Of course, there is also Fred Fred the Fold Out Bed and Rudy the Loveseat.  I wanted to name our first pet Captain SmoochiePants.  Glad I didn't.

12.  I really wish I could fly.  

13.  My friends are my oxygen.  I care about them more than they know and probably more than I tell them.  I miss my friends from Missouri terribly but I am very thankful for the friends I have here in Iowa.  They are the only reasons for my sanity.

14.  I love being around people.  I never get tired of having people over to my house.  I feel like Monica from friends.  I always want to be the best hostess.  I still think it would be awesome to live in a neighborhood of all my closest friends.  If life were only that simple.

15.  I was once on top of a train when it began to move.  Ben was there, too, and for about a minute we contemplated riding it to wherever it was going.  We decided that it was probably headed nowhere cool and jumped off.  Then we tried laying flat on our stomachs and getting as close as possible to the tracks to see if we could stick a penny on the tracks between the wheels as it was moving.  It was moving pretty fast by then and we abandoned the effort.  Okay, maybe my dad doesn't know that story...

16.  I like decorating MY house the way I want it to look.  I don't think very many people would want me as their interior decorator.  But I love my house the way I have decorated it.

17.  Travis makes me wear mittens to bed because my hands are so cold.  I also wear one piece footie pajamas.  I basically look like a Muppet at night.

18.  I never knew I would be this happy being married.  I only knew my parent's version of marriage and didn't think people could ever really be happy.  I think allowing God to rule the roost in our house was the best marriage decision ever.

19.  God also rules the roost in my heart.

20.  Travis is my favorite person ever.  He is so smart and fun and knows everything about me and still loves me.  I never thought I could trust someone as much as I trust him.  He is one of the most servant hearted people ever.  And he NEVER talks bad about anyone (which is annoying when I'm tempted to).  Plus, I think he's pretty fine.  And kinda hairy.

21.  I CANNOT hear or say the words "knobs" or "fart" or "duties" without cracking up laughing.  I'm sure there are others but I'm laughing too hard now just thinking of those three.

22.  One time Sarah and I started jumping in puddles after a heavy rain in Springfield.  We ended up about five blocks away from our house jumping around like 8 year-olds.  About an hour later, we begin wandering back to "The Blue House" which was where we were living at the time and we decided to stop by CCH because we heard music coming from there.  We walked inside to find our friends Moose and Geno playing guitar.  When they looked up, their eyes got really big, began laughing and said, "Nice bras."  We didn't even realize that we were wearing white shirts and we were both wearing colorful bras!  We had been ALL over the place parading around in our brightly colored under-things!

23.  I don't care what people think of me... as long as they like me.

24.  I have never looked like any of my family members until Ethan was born.  He and I look a lot alike.  Okay, he's not as dorky and he doesn't have the SWEET, huge blue and pink glasses that I had in fourth grade, but other than that--carbon copy.  I have always loved that I finally have someone that resembles me.

25.  I really, really love Dr. Pepper!

A Little Bit Surprised

I will admit, I'm not very self-aware.  I had fully intended to blog more often than every two months.  I figured with all of my wacky stories and crazy antics, the blogs would flow out of me like water from a fire hose.  However, any time I thought about my poor, starving blog, I couldn't think of anything to feed it.  Then it made me sad that my life is so boring that I have nothing to post about.  Is there nothing going on in my life, no little insights or life lessons learned that anyone would be interested in reading?  The answer is no, there are a lot of things going on in my life, all kinds of crazy antics, lessons learned every day, wonderful stories of friendship and love.  I just can't sit down and write them!  I have never been very good with giving details (ask Travis!) and I am way too distractible thanks to my self-diagnosed adult-onset ADD.  For example, after writing that last sentence, I was distracted by wondering if I spelled "distractible" correctly.  After fretting and worrying for nearly 3 minutes, I came back to finish the rest of my blog!  Now, where was I...

Oh yes, I'm not very self-aware.  I always see myself as being able to do way more than I actually can.  I think it is funny whenever people say that they admire how I am willing to always try new things.  Frankly, I never go into something thinking, "Oh, I should try this because learning how to do it will enhance my life and will make me a better person."  I think, "HA!  That looks easy!  I could learn how to do that and then work it into my daily life and do it forever and then I will be this wonderful multi-talented, multi-faceted person that everyone thinks is amazing!"  That never works out and it's pretty prideful.  So far this year (it's only February people!), I have decided I would like to swing dance, learn Swahili, go sky diving again, start boxing in Sigourney, make friends with some British people, take a photography class, memorize all the countries and their capitals in the world, talk to my grandmother every Wednesday, plan a snowboarding trip, learn how to make tamales, buy a lathe and learn how to "turn wood," volunteer for the Ronald McDonald House, and read a TON of books.  Chances are I will probably do some of these things but, in my mind, that isn't enough.  In my mind, I should be able to do ALL of these things, AND be on time to everything, AND keep my house sparkling, AND be there for everyone who needs a friend, AND be a good teacher, AND be a devoted wife to Travis.  I have set myself up for some major breakdowns and disappointments.  I do it all the time--but EVERYTIME I'm a little bit surprised that I couldn't do all I set out to accomplish.  I guess the positive side of this is that I have learned a little bit about a LOT of things that no one really cares about.  I can say "lakini katiki mambo hiyo yote tunashinda na zaidi ya cushinda kwa yeye alietupenda. "  I think that is Romans 8:28 in Swahili...

Blogger Virgin

I would just like to say that I'm very proud of myself for setting up this blog by myself.  Maybe I'm becoming a grown up after all!  Now, since no one is probably going to be interested in reading this blog, I will state that I will have no guilt if I don't update until the 4th of July.